Since it was first announced that the classic board game "Battleship" would be turned in to a major motion picture, people wondered just what type of story could possibly be written to justify a full length feature film.
What those same people never fully realized is that you apparently do not need to write a story that will justify turning a fairly simple board game in to a movie that ultimately is all about throwing as many explosions on the big screen as possible.
Sure there is a story, but does it really matter and does anyone really care? Just get to the parts where the alien ships start shooting their crazy weapons at our little boats and cities and let the destruction begin! Of course, the heroic soldiers and citizens of the United States will ultimately find a way to triumph in a most dramatic and patriotic fashion.
Meanwhile the movie is full of really bad acting that is only surpassed by the absolutely awful dialog that the bad actors are given to work with. Director Peter Berg has managed to take a less than impressive ensemble cast that includes Taylor Kitsch, Liam Neeson, and pop singer Rihanna (seriously!), and get less out of them than Michael Bay ever did with any of the Transformers movies.
The similarities to the Transformers franchise doesn't stop there (both are Hasbro properties after all) as all of the alien ships and weapons in Battleship look like they may have been rejected concepts from the other franchise. Even watching the trailer, you almost start to wonder why you had never heard about Transformers 4 being filmed.
Similarities aside, you can really tell that a ton of time and effort was put in to making all of the breath taking visuals and eye popping special effects. Even so, I did get tired of watching water cascade off the sides of the alien spaceships over and over and over as they hopped around in the ocean throughout most of the movie.
Even with some literally painful acting performances on display (I'm looking at you Alexander Skarsgård!) and a story that is so full of holes it should never have been allowed to float, "Battleship" is actually (yes, I'm saying it!) a fun movie to watch. Just make sure you're not expecting anything more than what I have described and you'll be just fine.
Not as fun as it should have been. Moronic script, awful performances and has a massive hard-on for the Navy, and took itself so seriously that it was actually funny. Unintentionally funny that is. Good review Marc.
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